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I was born 25 million years ago
You would think there wasn't nothin' I don't know
My race once ruled without question, then this Third World took possesion
And they'll WHUP me if I say it isn't so

The 'Nightmare Planet' was third out from the Sun
When we were there it wasn't very fun
No trace of sentient species 'cept maybe Austrilanthripicies
And even they were really pretty dumb

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When I left home our air was getting stale
And it'd get worse each time someone would exhale
And undulates would keep on passing what volcanoes were outgassing
And our waste disposal genes, we'd done curtailed

So I led a group to try some stellar heating
On a distant star in case it took a beating
Yep, the test star done went KERPOW, so we orbited the Oort Cloud
While the eons back at home were swiftly fleeting

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After we had gone, some scientists thought it cool
To swipe gene codes from that Third World's festering pool
So they tried to copy genes from that odd planet of extremes
But soon found themselves to be knee deep in stool
(…medically speaking, of course…)

Yes, they tried to copy Earth's genes for handling waste
'Cause we had bred that trait out of our race
But those genes controlled aggression and Sigmund Freud was not in session
So they left, and our world became Melrose Place…

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ZORAC, ship's computer, self aware
He runs the starship, never turns a hair
But his sense of humor rankles—I'd expect pants around his ankles
If he had some, but he doesn't, c'est la vere

When we finally got back home, it'd been misplaced
And hairless apes were getting in our face
Saying our moon once so resplendent was now their world's sole dependent
While our world'd left large holes around the place

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I came from the world fifth out from Sol
But the Solar System's changed since then, ya know
Now my home world of Minerva, that was once 'twixt Mars and Jupiter
Is now an icy dwarf world out there named Pluto

And now we find that, much to our dismay,
Our bad gene splice job's top dog of the day
So we said "Hello, Goodbye", then once more launched into the sky
Here's hoping this time we won't be delayed

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